Old People on the Open Road

If your vision is becoming impaired, your boobs are sagging (guy or girl), and you have the urge to watch the Golden Girls or Antique Roadshow, you may be old.


I am tired of waiting behind vehicles containing old people for a number of reasons. The first reason is that they move slower than a fat guy towards the salad bar. No one wants to be behind a vehicle that goes 35 in a 55. Yes, the speed is a MAX, but by the hair of Justin Bieber, treat the speed limit as an expectation! This is a time where you can act like you have a place to go. You're old, you're gonna die soon, get to your destination quicker because time is ticking down.


Old people also have a way of turning when they're not supposed to. Whether it is because they don't know what color the light is, or the fact that their beat-up Oldsmobile react to the gas pedal...I don't know. I do know that 'turn left on arrow only' dictates that you can, in fact, TURN LEFT ON ARROW! Also, do not crowd the intersection when the light is red; trust me, people don't like that. Just remember: Red, stop-Green, go.


Furthermore, one parking space is enough. The lines are there to show you that that is where your car is supposed to be. Even though no one else is in the parking lot during Denny's breakfast, you do not own the lot. You're like a drunk person who can't walk a straight line, a cop should arrest you. Better yet, I am going to citizens arrest you if I see it again. Officer Mike Melvin is on patrol!


In conclusion, old people, give up your licenses please! For the sake of your grandchildren, put down the car keys and pick up the remote and watch some Bonanza. If you need to get somewhere, use the senior citizen cab.