Video of the Week

A tribute to the great one:

Funny Sad Children's Books

The other day I was on twitter and the popular hash tag that was going around was #SadChildrensBooks. People were randomly coming up with children book parodies. here is a short list that I and others came up with:

"Are You My (Birth) Mother?"

Everybody poops (in my mouth)-two girls and one cup reference

Are you there, God? It's me, Mel Gibson.

Are you there, God? I's me, Hitler!

Goodnight, Moon. Forever.

Charlotte's Web of Lies and Deceit

The Dead Cat in the Hat

The Little Engine That Could (and Would Do Anything to Support His Crack Habit)

Horton hears Justin Bieber, then commits suicide.

Where the sidewalk ends and purgatory begins

Where the sidewalk ends and East 10th street ghetto begins

Just Grandma and Me While Mommy Is In Rehab

Old McDonald had a Slaughter House

Sometimes Mommy Doesn't Listen by Chris Brown

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes In A Trash Bag

Hanzel and Gretel: The story of cannibalism

Well, you get the idea. Funny stuff here! Anyways, if you have anymore that you would like to share send 'em to: themikemelvin2010@gmail.com

Video of LAST week

sorry I was pretty busy (still am), but here is last week's video!



plenty of videos from this guy!

Bands you may not have heard of, but should know

the weepies

william fitzsimmons

andy mckee

joshua radin

joshua james

david ryan harris

Donovan Frankenreiter

matt costa

amy kuhney

allie moss

a fine frenzy

Ugly Casanova

built to spill

wolf parade

don ross

Old People on the Open Road

If your vision is becoming impaired, your boobs are sagging (guy or girl), and you have the urge to watch the Golden Girls or Antique Roadshow, you may be old.


I am tired of waiting behind vehicles containing old people for a number of reasons. The first reason is that they move slower than a fat guy towards the salad bar. No one wants to be behind a vehicle that goes 35 in a 55. Yes, the speed is a MAX, but by the hair of Justin Bieber, treat the speed limit as an expectation! This is a time where you can act like you have a place to go. You're old, you're gonna die soon, get to your destination quicker because time is ticking down.


Old people also have a way of turning when they're not supposed to. Whether it is because they don't know what color the light is, or the fact that their beat-up Oldsmobile react to the gas pedal...I don't know. I do know that 'turn left on arrow only' dictates that you can, in fact, TURN LEFT ON ARROW! Also, do not crowd the intersection when the light is red; trust me, people don't like that. Just remember: Red, stop-Green, go.


Furthermore, one parking space is enough. The lines are there to show you that that is where your car is supposed to be. Even though no one else is in the parking lot during Denny's breakfast, you do not own the lot. You're like a drunk person who can't walk a straight line, a cop should arrest you. Better yet, I am going to citizens arrest you if I see it again. Officer Mike Melvin is on patrol!


In conclusion, old people, give up your licenses please! For the sake of your grandchildren, put down the car keys and pick up the remote and watch some Bonanza. If you need to get somewhere, use the senior citizen cab.

Video of the Week

If you don't this is hilarious....then there is something wrong with you.

People I want to raise from the dead (as a zombie)

Chris Farley

John Belushi

Billy Mays (A spokesman who doesn't beat up hookers)

Farrah Fawcett

Betty White (Might as well, she's almost dead anyways)

Michael Jackson (partially dead when he was alive)

Johnny Cash

Ray Charles (LOL BLIND ZOMBIE)

Frank Zappa

Kurt Cobain

Marilyn Monroe (she can leave the mole in the ground though)

John Lennon

Gary Coleman (That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis)

Jimi Hendrix

JFK

Bob Marley (Prolly get high all the time if I brought him back)

Lynyrd Skynyrd

Heath Ledger

Mr. Rogers (Someone needs to keep their neighbors in line)

Bernie Mac

John Candy (Barf...'nuf said)

Anna Nichole Smith (We need another pornstar

Bruce Lee (I rhink I can take him as a zombie)

Lucille Bell (I love Lucy)

James Dean

Brittany Murphy (I would walk 8 miles for that bitch)

Redd Foxx

Johnnie Cochran (I won't to kill him myself--OJ Style!)





SOME PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO REPLACE THEM WITH:

Cast of Jersey Shore

Carrot Top

Dr. Phil (let's see him judge people in hell)

The Jonas Brothers

The creepy guy who drives the ice cream truck

Tom Arnold

Scott from the Kardashians

Brittany Spears

Justin Bieber

Britney Spears

Techno Music

The Snuggie

Barbie

Paris Hilton

Fred from YouTube

Kathy Griffin

Crazy ass old drivers

Chef Gordon Ramsey

All of Twilight (excluding Kristen Stewart seeing as how she might be the only gullible celebrity that I have a chance hooking up with...on second thought, we better just kill them all just to be safe.)

Morning Meat!

Literally! Wake up to bacon in the morning with this awesome "alarm clock." Put a frozen strip of bacon in there before you go to bed and ten minutes before your designated alarm time it begins making bacon. No alarm sounds, just bacon. Bacccccooooonnnn.

I see this going one of two ways: I will either hate bacon because it wakes me up, or I will love it and decide to hit snooze a hundred times for more bacon.

10 cover songs that you should listen to

1) Bold as Love-John Mayer (originally by Jimi Hendrix)

2)Hurt-Johnny Cash (Nine Inch Nails)

3)Eleanor Rigby-David Cook (The Beatles

4)Smooth Criminal-Alien Ant Farm (Michael Jackson)

5)War Pigs-Cake (Black Sabbath)

6) With a little help from my friends-Joe Coker (the beatles)

7) The man who can't be moved-Amy Kuney (the Script)

8)Hallelujah-Jeff Buckley (Leonard Cohen)

9)Roller Coaster of love-Red Hot Chili Peppers (Ohio Players)

10)Simple Man-Shinedown (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Feel Free to leave more songs!

Video of the Week

Very inspirational remake of this song. She is a great artist and I expect she will be more popular in 2011! Her name is Amy Kuney. Enjoy!

Reasons why the flu is not fun

1. Poo
2. Puke
3. Fever
4. Daytime television
5. Missing homework
6. the color green
7. Stomach ache
8. Stuffy nose
9. Runny nose
10. headache
11. sore throat
12. rancid breath

Positives:

1. no school-priceless

Site Review: 100 Twitter Adds

Okay, this is more of a list of people you should add, but it is awesome! I added more than 20 of these people just because their Tweets were hella-cool. Found at Some of the Twitter accounts included:

• Sarah Silverman
• Conan O'Brien
• The Onion
• Shit my Dad Says
• Hugh Hefner
• David Spade
• Russel Brand
• Stephen Colbert
• My Drunk Texts
• AND EVEN BORAT

http://www.maxim.com/humor/stupid-fun/84357/100-twitter-accounts-every-guy-should-follow.html

100 Twitter Adds

Movie Theater Food

Am I the only one out there that sees a definite problem in movie theater food? Why is it that the one place where you should stay quiet has the loudest food?! Seriously, look at this list:

• popcorn
• Peanuts
• Cracker Jacks
• Nachos
• Potato Chips
• sticky candy that makes you smack your lips
• Old people hard candy
• anything in a bag that ruffles
• Soda that makes the "The soda is gone, but I am going to drink until the bottom of my cup has a hole in it" sound.

International Raccoon Appreciation Day!

So, according to EarthCalendar.net, today is International Raccoon Appreciation Day! So grab your raccoons and instead of killing it and eating eat, feed it and hug it. Even if that means having your face mauled off, do it for the raccoons! Love thy neighbor, even if they're a pack of wild, rabies-infested raccoons.